Wednesday, June 26, 2013
20 ways to add details
20 ways to add details
Merry-go-around
1.horses on poles.
2.big tent-like cover.
3.the poles were shiny golden.
4.the bottom was turning but it wasn't a wheel
5.it plays music while it's turning.
6.it costs 2$ for each ride.
7.each horse is different in colors and shapes.
8. The ride lasts 3-4 minutes long.
9.it's inside the mall of concord mill.
10. We went there in the morning of Saturday with Grandpa.
11. there are mostly kids under 10 who ride it.
12. one of the horses was all green and scaly. It had a long fish tail.
13. there is a sign saying that kids under 3 has to ride with there parents.
14. I don't feel excited because I'm too old for that but my little brother Aiden loves it.
15. When I ride on it, sometimes I feel dizzy.
16. I saw some kids has a big smile on their faces and they ask their parents if they can go again., some kids crying because they are scared.
17. There are about 30 horses
18. They are seat belts on the horse.
19. There is a horse on the top of the tent.
20. There are mirrors in the center and I can see myself.
Grandma
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Qualities of good writing
1. Many details
2. Beginning, Middle, End
3. Good description
4. Interesting charaters
5. Good handwriting
6. Vivid description
2. Beginning, Middle, End
3. Good description
4. Interesting charaters
5. Good handwriting
6. Vivid description
Writing workshop 1: Story
Pretend that a puppy chases a ball into the woods. The puppy gets lost. Write a story telling about what happens after the puppy gets lost.
<This was her writing of first time, she gave too many details that were not related, it was not written in really logical way, well, turned out it was more like a dream scene.>
The puppy gets lost in a muddy forest. The forest was filled with monkeys and parrots it was nothing like home. The puppy jumped through prickly vines soon he found a place
to drink... suddenly a crocodile jumped out of the water and startled the poor little puppy. He ran further in the forest and finally caught his breath. Then there was a little round thing sticking
out of a tree, when he took a closer look, there was his ball! the puppy grabed the ball and started to play. Then an eagle swoop down she said that she was a bird from this forest she had a broken wing and could'nt fly well, the puppy and eagle became friends soon the sky became darker. It was almost night time.
The puppy said to the eagle I have find our way out of here! so they ran across the muddy bottom and then the puppy stoped at a small pond and saw the same alligator and said RUN! RUN! RUN! they ran as fast as his legs could carry him (the eagle flyed)soon he heard his owner calling him the puppy woke up and turns out it was a dream!
The writer does not focused on the topic and purpose.
The paper has a beginning, middle, and end. The events are told in a logical order,
although many unrelated detail (The eagle, money, parrots, balls, alligators....) interrupts the flow of events.
Try again, stay focus on the topic
Beginning: The puppet gets lost. How did he get lost?
Middle: What did he do after he got lost? How did he find the way home?
Ending: Did he find the way home?
This is her 2nd try of writing.
The puppy was playing with his ball.then All of the sudden, an owl swooped down and grabbed the ball from the puppy, and poped it the puppy was furious. He chased the owl and barked at it. soon the puppy found that he was in the middle of a the forest!
The puppy was mad and scared at the same time. so the puppy wander of further He wondered around into the forest. He met a turtle, the turtle was kind and he said tell him if you he go over this creek you'll he would find a friendly little chipmunk that will would get you him out of this forest.
So the turtle carried the puppy over the creek.Than a chipmunk lead Then the puppy followed the chipmunk to get out of the woods. and
As soon as he said good bye to the chipmunk the puppy heard his owner calling him.so he raced to his owner and licked him happily. the puppy's owner gave him a new ball to play with.
I like the beginning but the middle need more elaboration.
<This was her writing of first time, she gave too many details that were not related, it was not written in really logical way, well, turned out it was more like a dream scene.>
The puppy gets lost in a muddy forest. The forest was filled with monkeys and parrots it was nothing like home. The puppy jumped through prickly vines soon he found a place
to drink... suddenly a crocodile jumped out of the water and startled the poor little puppy. He ran further in the forest and finally caught his breath. Then there was a little round thing sticking
out of a tree, when he took a closer look, there was his ball! the puppy grabed the ball and started to play. Then an eagle swoop down she said that she was a bird from this forest she had a broken wing and could'nt fly well, the puppy and eagle became friends soon the sky became darker. It was almost night time.
The puppy said to the eagle I have find our way out of here! so they ran across the muddy bottom and then the puppy stoped at a small pond and saw the same alligator and said RUN! RUN! RUN! they ran as fast as his legs could carry him (the eagle flyed)soon he heard his owner calling him the puppy woke up and turns out it was a dream!
The writer does not focused on the topic and purpose.
The paper has a beginning, middle, and end. The events are told in a logical order,
although many unrelated detail (The eagle, money, parrots, balls, alligators....) interrupts the flow of events.
Try again, stay focus on the topic
Beginning: The puppet gets lost. How did he get lost?
Middle: What did he do after he got lost? How did he find the way home?
Ending: Did he find the way home?
This is her 2nd try of writing.
The puppy was playing with his ball.
So the turtle carried the puppy over the creek.
As soon as he said good bye to the chipmunk the puppy heard his owner calling him.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Transition
Source: http://www.smekenseducation.com/transitions-are-road-signs-for-readers.html
Early transition words
Anticipate primary writers to begin linking ideas together using single words like and, so, and then. These are their first attempts at connecting ideas. It's a young writer's way of letting his readers know that he has more to say. A worthwhile mini-lesson would focus on building a bank of sequence or time-order transition words (e.g., first, then, later, last, etc.). Later, teach students to vary these words so they aren't linking 14 Thens in a row! Collect anchor papers so you can reveal the skill done well.
Anticipate primary writers to begin linking ideas together using single words like and, so, and then. These are their first attempts at connecting ideas. It's a young writer's way of letting his readers know that he has more to say. A worthwhile mini-lesson would focus on building a bank of sequence or time-order transition words (e.g., first, then, later, last, etc.). Later, teach students to vary these words so they aren't linking 14 Thens in a row! Collect anchor papers so you can reveal the skill done well.
Example: How to give a dog a bath
First turn the water on.
Then get a dog and put it in.
Next rub the soup on the dog.
Then rince the dog with the water.
Last dry the dog.
Exercise 1: Lows building project
first open the bag and read the instruction
then follow the instruction to assemble the pieces for each step
next put on stickers and that's my favorite part
then admire it and play it
last get the badge and certificate
Exercise 2: Drawing Cartoon Animals
first I search cartoon animals on youtube
then I pick one that I like
next I watch it and copy it to my paper with the pencil
then I trace the picture with a black marker.
last I add a background and color in the picture.
Exercise 3: How I practice a new music piece on piano
Exercise 3: How I practice a new music piece on piano
Transition phrases
Then move intermediate writers from using transition words to more sophisticated phrases. This will make the transition from one idea to another a little less abrupt (e.g., Rather than Second, write A second step, Rather than Later, write Later that day, etc.). Use your reading to point out these phrases. Ask students to collect various examples of second or later used within transition phrases. Help them not only understand the gentler approach to a phrase, but also the myriad of ways they could utilize different phrases to say the same thing. This will be a great resource later.
Then move intermediate writers from using transition words to more sophisticated phrases. This will make the transition from one idea to another a little less abrupt (e.g., Rather than Second, write A second step, Rather than Later, write Later that day, etc.). Use your reading to point out these phrases. Ask students to collect various examples of second or later used within transition phrases. Help them not only understand the gentler approach to a phrase, but also the myriad of ways they could utilize different phrases to say the same thing. This will be a great resource later.
Once intermediate students find transitions in their reading, have them return to a previous writings. Challenge students to convert the typical time-order words in their drafts to phrases. These phrases are a much more sophisticated application of a common skill.
Sentence transitions
Middle school and high school students should be moving from writing transition phrases to writing full sentences that bridge one idea to the next. A transition sentence includes two parts: 1) Remind the reader what you were addressing in the previous paragraph, and 2) How it relates to the next paragraph's main idea.
Middle school and high school students should be moving from writing transition phrases to writing full sentences that bridge one idea to the next. A transition sentence includes two parts: 1) Remind the reader what you were addressing in the previous paragraph, and 2) How it relates to the next paragraph's main idea.
Compare this transition sentence to multi-colored yarn. Consider each solid color on the yarn as its own paragraph. And between each solid color is a blend of the two colors. Just as the variegated yarn blends one color to the next, the writer should blend one idea to the next using a transition sentence. Here's an anchor paper that is color-coded. Note the two-toned and emboldened transition sentence between every paragraph.
Teach students that their ideas are like destinations on a road map. Their job is to get the reader from Point A to Point B using road signs. Those road signs alert the reader of the kind of information to expect next. Provide readers a smoother transition so they experience a gentle ride through your ideas.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Writing Exercise: Sentence Stretching
The baby is crying.
The tiny baby is crying because they are making very loud noises.
The frog is green.
The green spotted frog rests on a log at the river’s edge.
The cat sits.
The big cat sits happily on the chair.
The pig ate corn.
A pink pig ate crushed corn from the feeder all day.
Writing workshop: Play Date with Bianca
Draft
I have a play date at Bianca's house. And first we did drawing.
Bianca and me use all the papers that her mom gave us.
Me and Bianca were eating lunch and we have a pasta cheese and water, broccoli with cheese. It was really a cheesy snack.
And then we go out to the swimming pool and then Bianca's mom blow up the swimming pool and fill it with water.
First, when we got in the pool, Bianca's mom turn on the sprinkler and it was a colorful toy sprinkler. Then the sprinkler didn't work so we have to use different sprinkler. And the sprinkler is springing around and it's much better sprinkler. Then we got into the pool and put the sprinkler in the pool, it is movable sprinkler.
When we got into the pool, there are black and yellow stripe bugs in the pool and Bianca said they are a lot in her backyard.
Then Bianca and I tried to get the bugs out. Then when the pool was filled, we jump into the pool, it was so splashy. The pool is blue. Then we had a splashing fight. We try to catch water from the sprinkler to add to the the pool, I put the sprinkler in the pool.
Reorganizing and editing (Add more detail, delete the not important details, Use "show but not tell", use "5 senses", focus on the main thing)
Ihave had a play date at Bianca's house.
And First we drew did drawing.And then we got into the pool. The pool is was light sky blue. It looked like an enormous cup. that's It was short and made up with of three blue round floaties piled up on top of each other and. The bottom was so slippery that me and Bianca and I both slipped (more details added). Bianca's mom took the hose and filled the swimming pool, then she turned on the colorful toy sprinkler. Then the sprinkler didn't work so we have to use a different sprinkler. The new sprinkler was turning around and it was a much better sprinkler. (This is nothing related to the "fun", can be deleted)
Me and Bianca were eating lunch and we have a cheesy pasta and water, broccoli with cheese. It was really a cheesy snack.
Then we got into the pool again, I noticed there are were black and yellow striped bugs in the pool. Bianca said there are were lots in her backyard.Then Bianca and I tried to get the bugs out,. The bugs made us jump. Then When the pool was filled, we jumped into the pool,. The water splashed all on our faces and dripped down. Bianca's curly hair became straighter and droopy.
It was so splashyThen We had a splashing fight we kicked splashed the water to on each other and we both giggled and laughed so hard that we could barely make sounds ! and made waves. We try to catch water from the sprinkler to add to the the pool,then I had an ideal I put the sprinkler in the pool!
When I was about to leave, Bianca's big smile disappeared and turned to a big frown, she reluctantly hugged me good bye.
This is What Final look like:
I had a play date at Bianca's house.
First we drew then we got into the pool. The pool was light sky blue. It looked like an enormous cup. It was short and made up of three blue round floaties piled up on top of each other. The bottom was so slippery that Bianca and I both slipped . Bianca's mom took the hose and filled the swimming pool, then she turned on the colorful toy sprinkler.
I noticed there were black and yellow striped bugs in the pool. Bianca said there were lots in her backyard. Bianca and I tried to get the bugs out. The bugs made us jump. When the pool was filled, we jumped into the pool. The water splashed on our faces and dripped down. Bianca's curly hair became straight and droopy.
We splashed the water on each other and we both giggled and laughed so hard that we could barely make sounds !
When I was about to leave, Bianca's big smile disappeared and turned to a big frown, she reluctantly hugged me good bye.
I have a play date at Bianca's house. And first we did drawing.
Bianca and me use all the papers that her mom gave us.
Me and Bianca were eating lunch and we have a pasta cheese and water, broccoli with cheese. It was really a cheesy snack.
And then we go out to the swimming pool and then Bianca's mom blow up the swimming pool and fill it with water.
First, when we got in the pool, Bianca's mom turn on the sprinkler and it was a colorful toy sprinkler. Then the sprinkler didn't work so we have to use different sprinkler. And the sprinkler is springing around and it's much better sprinkler. Then we got into the pool and put the sprinkler in the pool, it is movable sprinkler.
When we got into the pool, there are black and yellow stripe bugs in the pool and Bianca said they are a lot in her backyard.
Then Bianca and I tried to get the bugs out. Then when the pool was filled, we jump into the pool, it was so splashy. The pool is blue. Then we had a splashing fight. We try to catch water from the sprinkler to add to the the pool, I put the sprinkler in the pool.
Reorganizing and editing (Add more detail, delete the not important details, Use "show but not tell", use "5 senses", focus on the main thing)
I
This is What Final look like:
I had a play date at Bianca's house.
I noticed there were black and yellow striped bugs in the pool. Bianca said there were lots in her backyard. Bianca and I tried to get the bugs out. The bugs made us jump. When the pool was filled, we jumped into the pool. The water splashed on our faces and dripped down. Bianca's curly hair became straight and droopy.
We splashed the water on each other and we both giggled and laughed so hard that we could barely make sounds !
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
The 6 traits of writing
The Six Traits is a scoring guide AND a tool for writing and using the writing process. It is a shared vocabulary for teachers and students. The six traits provide a system for “accurate, reliable feedback to students as well as a helpful guide for instruction.
1. Ideas
Ideas are the heart of the message, the content of the piece, the main theme, together with the details that enrich and develop that theme.
Key question:
Does the writing go beyond the obvious?
2. Organization
Organization is the internal structure, the thread of central meaning, the logical and sometimes intriguing pattern of ideas within a piece of writing.
Key Question:
Does the writing hook you and keep you reading?
3. Voice
Voice is the magic and the wit, along with the feeling and conviction of the individual writer coming out through the words.
Key Question:
Does the writing make you want to keep reading it and share it with others?
4. Word Choice
Word choice is the use of rich, colorful, precise language that moves and enlightens the reader.
Key Question:
Does the writing make the words and images linger in your mind?
5. Sentence Fluency
Sentence fluency is the rhythm and flow of the language, the sound of word patterns, the way in which the writing plays to the ear—not just to the eye.
Key Question:
Is the writing fun to read aloud? Can you read it with expression?
6. Conventions
Conventions refer to the mechanical correctness of the piece—spelling, paragraphing, grammar and usage, punctuation, and use of capitals.
Key Question:
Is there very little work left to be corrected by the copy editor?
1. Ideas
Ideas are the heart of the message, the content of the piece, the main theme, together with the details that enrich and develop that theme.
Key question:
Does the writing go beyond the obvious?
2. Organization
Organization is the internal structure, the thread of central meaning, the logical and sometimes intriguing pattern of ideas within a piece of writing.
Key Question:
Does the writing hook you and keep you reading?
3. Voice
Voice is the magic and the wit, along with the feeling and conviction of the individual writer coming out through the words.
Key Question:
Does the writing make you want to keep reading it and share it with others?
4. Word Choice
Word choice is the use of rich, colorful, precise language that moves and enlightens the reader.
Key Question:
Does the writing make the words and images linger in your mind?
5. Sentence Fluency
Sentence fluency is the rhythm and flow of the language, the sound of word patterns, the way in which the writing plays to the ear—not just to the eye.
Key Question:
Is the writing fun to read aloud? Can you read it with expression?
6. Conventions
Conventions refer to the mechanical correctness of the piece—spelling, paragraphing, grammar and usage, punctuation, and use of capitals.
Key Question:
Is there very little work left to be corrected by the copy editor?
Writing example-- 2nd grade
Trampling Through the Woods
I raced to the coatroom after my mother had given me permission to shuffle my boots under the leaves that covered the floor of the woods, to go to grandma’s house. (I knew that I was old enough.) I loved the pine trees smell and the birds chirping.
As I pulled on my red boots, my mother told me to stay away from strangers and not to take the shortcut to grandma’s house, near the edge of the vast forest.
Then I asked my mother, “Where’s my little red coat?”
My mother answered, “On the hook beside the back door.” I opened the door after I shook my arms through my coat and set off to Grammy's house. After I smelled the patch of daisies and sunflowers at the edge of the yard, I slipped into the woods.
Suddenly a huge wolf was looming right in front of me, “get lost” he growled at me. I ran away in a direction that led me farther through the woods. I stopped when I realized that I lost the direction. Luckily, I was looking at my compass as I ran into the wolf, and noticed that I had gone east, so I headed out the opposite direction. When I got home I told my mother what happened. I will never leave home without the direct information about how to get to my destination.
I raced to the coatroom after my mother had given me permission to shuffle my boots under the leaves that covered the floor of the woods, to go to grandma’s house. (I knew that I was old enough.) I loved the pine trees smell and the birds chirping.
As I pulled on my red boots, my mother told me to stay away from strangers and not to take the shortcut to grandma’s house, near the edge of the vast forest.
Then I asked my mother, “Where’s my little red coat?”
My mother answered, “On the hook beside the back door.” I opened the door after I shook my arms through my coat and set off to Grammy's house. After I smelled the patch of daisies and sunflowers at the edge of the yard, I slipped into the woods.
Suddenly a huge wolf was looming right in front of me, “get lost” he growled at me. I ran away in a direction that led me farther through the woods. I stopped when I realized that I lost the direction. Luckily, I was looking at my compass as I ran into the wolf, and noticed that I had gone east, so I headed out the opposite direction. When I got home I told my mother what happened. I will never leave home without the direct information about how to get to my destination.
Writing Process
We believe that the most dramatic improvements in writing occur at the first steps in the writing process, and that is where we will focus our efforts. Have your students concentrate on many activities where they brainstorm & organize, and then write out a draft. This draft might be several sentences, a paragraph, or an essay, or it may be an entry in a journal, a shopping list, a love letter, a poem, a rap, a set of song lyrics, or another type of writing.
That's not to say that editing, proofreading, and publishing are not important; on the contrary, these are vital steps for students AFTER they have mastered the first two steps. As a teacher, you don't have to take every assignment to a final form.
Its similar to sports. You want to practice your fundamental skills in basketball before trying to play a game. The same is true in writing. Have your students practice the various skills of writing many times before you expect an awesome, polished piece of writing from them.
2nd grade writing prompts: Pretend it is your birthday and the postman has delivered a box too big to fit in the house. Write about what might be in the box.
It could be a tremendous hotel and each time you go to is free.
It has an indoor swimming pool.
There will be a bouncy castle there even not many hotel has that.
There are tons of paper and coloring materials so I can draw.
There are fireflies there so I can catch fireflies.
It has an indoor swimming pool.
There will be a bouncy castle there even not many hotel has that.
There are tons of paper and coloring materials so I can draw.
There are fireflies there so I can catch fireflies.
Which day of the week do you like best and why?
Saturday.
Because it's the beginning of the weekend. We get to go shopping. Sometimes we get to buy toys and on saturday night we get to watch movie.
Because it's the beginning of the weekend. We get to go shopping. Sometimes we get to buy toys and on saturday night we get to watch movie.
If there were no TV, radio, or computers, what might you do instead?
Aiden (4)answers:
1. Moo Moo the blanket
2. Bouncing on the bed
3. Playing throw and catch with Mommy
Emma (7) answers:
1. Draw cartoon animals
2. Feeding the ducks in the park
3. Picking the blueberries in the backyard
4. Swimming in the pool
5. Riding the bike
1. Moo Moo the blanket
2. Bouncing on the bed
3. Playing throw and catch with Mommy
Emma (7) answers:
1. Draw cartoon animals
2. Feeding the ducks in the park
3. Picking the blueberries in the backyard
4. Swimming in the pool
5. Riding the bike
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